Given all of the incredibly helpful advise the good folks at ACORN were so happy to provide a budding young pimp and prostitute, (see videos here ) it makes sense to take this useful information and condense it down into a simple, easy to follow set of tips and guidelines that might benefit others looking to start a career in the flesh trade.
With that in mind, we give you "The ACORN Guide to Do-it-Yourself Pimpin", (or "How to Start a Brothel in Ten Easy Steps"):
Step 1: Visit your friendly neighborhood ACORN office
Step: 2: Explain that you're a wannabe pimp, your girlfriend is a hooker and you want to start a brothel.
Step 3: Fraudulently fill out loan applications declaring fake profession, such as "performance artist" or "consultant". (Remember, "Honesty isn't going to get you a house")
Step 4: Buy a house (preferably with a good sized backyard)
Step 5: Identify a sufficient number of underage El Salvadoran girls to staff your brothel, (somewhere in the 12 to 15 year range is about right). Take steps to make sure they know to "keep quiet".
Step 6: Find out how many of the girls you can list as dependents on your tax forms. And make sure you get that child tax credit.
Step 7: Declare a percentage of your cash revenue as income for tax purposes to keep it looking legit.
Step 8: Find a place in your new backyard to dig a hole and hide the rest of your cash.
Step 9: Consider using your eventual large stash to fund a future run for public office.
Step 10: When elected, remember your good friends at ACORN who helped make your career possible.
Hope this helps!
If you have any other great tips, be sure to leave them in the comment are. We'll share them in a follow-up post!